Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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