he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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