you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
