it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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