im six kinds of drunk right now
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
