Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
