Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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