yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
