i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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