i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
When are your genitals available?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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