That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
