Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We're too hungover to prance.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
