Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
