yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
