I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
