ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
