i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
