Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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