this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
