I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
