she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
