I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Life is so much better after having sex.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
