so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
