Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
