Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
