the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
