thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
