i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
