Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
