i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The struggles of a small town man whore
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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