need another drink. this is the easiest way
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
