Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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