I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
