haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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