I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
