Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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