It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
