Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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