No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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