A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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