Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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