i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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