Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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