I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
