I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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