he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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