To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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