4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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