hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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