He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
