After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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